kendratown

New Year, New You! But what if I like the old me...

2011-01-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

So. New Year's Resolution time. Yes, I normally like to do New Year's Resolutions, but I don't always enjoy talking about what my resolutions ARE. You know why? Because I like to choose a couple mundane things, and a couple really scary things that people don't normally choose, because you know, THEY ARE HARD. And sometimes talking about the not normal ones leads to awkward conversation like, "Your resolution is to be brave? What does that even mean, like kill a spider?" Or heaven forbid I tell someone I would LOVE my band to be signed by a major record label. Yes, this year. It always goes, "But, aren't you almost 26? I mean, Stevens Henager will take ANYONE these days." Awesome, I know. Anywhoodle, one of my not scary resolutions is to lose 15 pounds. Stop before the outcry of "You look fine!" Yes, thanks, I look fine. But I own Spanx, and I really want them in a bunch of colors. That's a problem. Over the last year, between my turning 25, (and the subsequent famed loss of metabolism, yes friends from High School, I can hear you laughing from 2003) switching jobs to something not nearly so stressful and/or aerobic, and being in an amazing, rewarding and otherwise calorie-filled relationship, I have gained some weight. I am fine with it, really I am. I LOVE having big boobs. I'm just putting it out there. It's kindof awesome. But I do get struck with the fear that if I don't change something, lifestyle, eating habits, (Goodbye Doritos, whenever I want to eat them, I banish thee to my 19th year of life) or exercise plan, (Like, WHEN would I work out? I'm with the band all the time people!) that I will put 10 more pounds on top of that, then 10 more. Then all of a sudden, I need to lose 50 pounds. Have you seen my family? They are like, REALLY pretty. I cannot compete if I am 50 pounds overweight. And you aren't a Harrison if you aren't competing. So I have been keeping careful track of what I am putting in my face, and trying to cut back. Dave's been so supportive, we have been sending each other text messages all week that read, "Trying to ignore the Eggs Benedict. Not hungry. Just bored." and on my part, "I can eat half a pan of brownies if I eat nothing else all day." On that note, I am also taking a fiber supplement. I love technology. Here's the downside. I have become one of those people that talk about their diets. Unsolicited. It's horrible. I can feel the verbal onslaught of calorie content slide up my throat like chocolate pudding off the spoon of Bill Cosby. Its so tragic. Ill be sitting with someone having a meal, or a chat, or on the phone. Out of nowhere I will say, completely out of context, "So, Im trying to lose 15 pounds. Who knew Hollandaise sauce was Butter?? I mean, c'mon." THEN, I delve into the world of multivitamins, emergen-C and how completely AMAZING it is when you track what your eating. Riveting stuff, I know. My formerly unsuspecting prey is answering "uh-huh" while trying to eat two cinnamon buns at once to overcompensate for how hungry I am making them feel. I also watch what other people eat and think, "I wonder what they calorie content in that is? Do you think they know?" It sucks, I tell you. And this is one week in. I guess my new late resolution is to stop badgering my friends and loved ones with issues they wanted nothing to know about. Wish me luck.

Kenny Out.

11 is Enough

2010-11-18T09:54:00.001-08:00

This picture is from awkward family photos.com. A site I know we all know and love. (ArmShelf, anyone?) I reposted it here, because its hilarious. The title was 11 is enough, and the caption is what made me laugh. It said, "Survival of the Fittest". I cannot explain why this is so funny, except that totally describes my family. As does this picture. We could BE this family. Oh, and Trent? Don't worry, 11 was not enough.

Kenny, over and out

Dog Helmets

2010-11-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

I want to buy this helmet for Lou, if only for the sole reason that every time I see this photo, it makes me laugh out loud. (Case in point, the last time I was over at Lisa's, and I happened to glance at Ollie's chore chart, where one of his chores was "Poop", I laughed until I had to sit down. No lie.) Seriously you guys, I am that immature. Hilarious.

Penance, On a Roll

2010-11-14T14:37:00.000-08:00

Just to pay some penance, here are some random fotos for you...

Ah, Lou. Ruining my good throw pillows. Also, who doesn't love pictures of puppies? Terrorists. That's who.

Asher and Ollie. In these AWESOME muppet hats I made them try on. I had to talk myself out of buying one for me. Why? Cause I already have a mike wizowski hat I don't wear.

Here is a punkin I "carved" that I affectionately dubbed 'Ol Man Crabbs. Mr. Dave totally laughed, thereby thwarting my plan to have him be offended. Also, he said you can't tell what it is. Sigh.

Kenny, over and out.

UGH, I am disgusted with myself.

2010-11-14T14:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time. So long, in fact, that I am totally embarrassed. So embarrassed, I am just gonna skip all explanations and excuses and pretend it hasn't been that long. There. Sigh. I feel much better. I am just gonna blog about whatever I want to. Yes. Number one thing. My sister, Brooke C. Harrison, you can find her blog on my sidebar, as in, brookie cookie, she is so funny. I just wanna put that out there. She's hilarious. Also, if I have your name for Christmas, @LanceyPanceyBellyDancey, and @Byroniator. Yes, I did just make up those Twitter names, don't search them, they dont exist. haha. Anywhoodle, you outta be excited. Cause I HAVE ALREADY DONE ALOT OF CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. I hope your freakin out right now, That's right Mr. Craig Leaper, I am gonna be the new person people dance around and scream IN YOUR FACE complete with finger guns when they find out I have pulled their name in the great Christmas Matrix. I may or may not have done that to Mr. Dave when I found out Craig pulled me. It's Irregardless that Mr. Dave is not yet, at this moment in time in the Christmas Matrix. Still IN YOUR FACE! Kenny, over and out.

Prodigal Daughter Returns...

2010-02-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

I have returned. I know. Spare me the lecture about how long it's been, how big of a loser I am for not blogging more regularly and how I REALLY need to try the easy bread roll recipe that's so simple, even I could probably master it. ( I promise Mom, I will try.) Believe me, I know that I have gotten off course lately. Let me catch you up. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days after Halloween, and moved in with a really good friend and coworker of mine. Enter my friend Kelli. I cocktail and bartend at a sports bar named Maggie Mcgees in Holladay, Utah.

I adopted an adorable Chihuahua/Daschsund mix from the Humane Society and named her Lou.

There. Now your all caught up. I am going to make a real effort to keep posting because honestly, I miss this outlet. So if you are reading this, thanks for keeping a little flame of hope alive in your heart that I would one day post again. Taylee, Maryam. I miss you. Call me. Bye for now....

An Open Letter to my Friend, Travis

2009-06-05T11:06:00.001-07:00

This is what loneliness looks like.

This is one of my BEST friends, Travis.

I would like to post an open letter to him on my blog, so thanks for indulging me.

I also posted some pictures of he and I.

That's Trav's green shoe.

Travis-

You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. You have always been an insanely bright light in my life and I will be forever grateful for that. You have done things for me that I can’t imagine anyone else would have. You have been the best friend a girl could ever ask for. You have been supportive, but always told me what I needed to hear whether or not it was painful. You have always been my biggest cheerleader, from coming to each and every band gig and show, to telling me how stupid those men were for not realizing what they had lost. From forcing me to eat pebbles on the playground at recess in the second grade, to chucking rocks at my apartment window and demanding I come out and play. I miss you so much. I know that you are working through some things that can’t be easy, and I am so sorry for that. I don’t blame you for what went on between you and I, but I wanted you to know that I love you and miss you. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to be in your position and I wish I could’ve helped. I also want you to know that I would never do anything that would hurt you. I honestly wish you the best of luck and I hope you will be happy. I hope one day you and I will get back to where we were. I would not be the person I am today without you. I will always remember the many insane adventures we thought would work. After all, who’s my Home Fries?

T- is for Terrific
R- is for Ready to Run
A- is for An AMAZING dance floor move
V- is for Vin Diesel Magnet
I- is for Intense
S- is for Seemingly Tame

Love,

Kendra

Terms of Endearment (or, Things I like to call Cody...)

2009-05-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

This is a little nonsense post because I am feeling worn out and overwhelmed. (yes Mom, i am eating okay.) So, by all means, read on. If you would like to comment at the end and add some of your favourites, I would love to get them.

-Babe
-Baby
-Babykins
-Bebe
-Sweet Pea (I also call the cat this, don't think Cody likes that.)
-Sweet Thang
-Delicious
-Deliciousness
-Sweetness
-Sexy
-My Sexy Man (normally in a loud voice at the grocery store to get his attention.)
-Sugar
-Sug
-Muffin
-My Sweet Sugar Muffin (this one always makes me laugh)
-Pumpkin (because this one makes him laugh)
-Beautiful (As in, "Hello Beautiful" That one just comes out, I cannot control it. Cody's best friend Cam thinks its hysterical.)
-Handsome
-Mr. Wonderful
-Mr. Clean
-My Old Man (One of my FAVOURITES, always makes people laugh)
-Mr. Handy
-The Best
-Code
-De-Code
-Hello? (haha, for Harrison's)
-Lawn Shark
-Hot Booty
-Cody Christian Carver (not when im mad, mostly when he is being really funny, as in, "Cody Christian Carver, you just made a joke!")
-Mr. Carver
-Mr. Property Values
-Mr. "Lawns are for Looking"
-Boyfriend
-Angel
-Boo (he HATES that)
-Bunny
-Sunshine
-Precious
-Love
-Honey
-Hotness

I think that's all. If I think of some more, I shall add them. As you can see, being my boyfriend can be a VERY rewarding experience. Ha ha.

Beware the Airwaves....

2009-05-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hello Internet. As a public service, (haha)I am posting about my band's upcoming (is that a word? It looks weird.) internet radio show. Crashing at Dawn will be on the U of U's Sunday radio show from 2 pm to 3 pm this coming Sunday, May 3rd. That's Utah time for those of you out of state. I am posting it here, because it is an opportunity for my friends and family members who live out of state to catch a show. We will be playing a two song acoustic set, and I will be doing an interview with the host, Tommy. I think we will be doing the whole hour. Please tune in, we are not really an acoustic band, but this has been a great opportunity for us to stretch as a band. I also am doing some things vocally I haven't before. If you would like to tune in, the address is http://www.kuteradio.com/. Click on the Listen now tab, or go to the program schedule, click sunday, then click Tommy Kouloukas. Thanks for letting me use my blog as a shameless plug! Kisses.

This is what 24 looks like...

2009-04-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

Ha ha! Happy Birthday ME!

Here are some pictures from a little family dinner I had for my birthday last night. Thanks to all who came, thanks MORE to those who brought presents, and to those who couldn't attend, I will be awaiting your checks in the mail.

Me 'n NayNay

THIS is Cody. I know some of you were wondering. Cody is my Boyfriend. He is giving me a beach cruiser for my birthday because he is WONDERFUL. Post to follow on that. (The beach cruiser, I mean. I won't subject you all to a post on how wonderful I find Cody. Not yet, anyway.)

Me 'n Jamal.

The Garrison Crunch. For you, Mattie.

My Sisters. Some of 'em.

'Lil Crunchy (Or is it Crispen?)

I LOVE this picture of Jamie. She is an elusive sucker. You gotta catch her smiling for real in a candid.

(Sing to the tune of "HammerTime") It's TAGGING Time!!

2009-03-05T17:01:00.000-08:00

I KNOW everyone hates tags, (especially you, Tracy) but I don't care. I love them. They are fun to write and fun to read, and this one is funny. SO DO IT, because you all know we check to see what everyone's answers were. Plus, what better way to christen Jamie's Caving to the blogging world?

--> Spell your name without vowels: Kndr
--> What is the date 2 days after your birthday?: April 24th
--> How many pairs of jeans do you own?: Um, 25?
--> How many are designer?: Three. (Hello, my rock and republic's in Jamie's drawer...)
--> What color do you wear most?: Black
--> Least favorite color?: Pea Green
--> Last song heard on the radio?: Veronica's, "Untouched"
--> What's for dinner tonite?: Hopefully something not carb-related... SlimFast?
--> Are you happy with your life right now?: Yep. I am unemployed. What's not to like?
--> Tell me a secret about one of your siblings: YES! Kim is in this old family photo, I think she is 7, where if you hold your thumb JUST RIGHT over her side ponytail on the right side of her head, she looks just like a little boy! HA! We have done it so much the photo is starting to wear away in that spot...
--> Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?: Yes. I have gotten Elizabeth Hurley a few times. (Stop laughing, Lisa!)
--> Who did you last call on your cell phone?: Franz. Lead Guitarist in Crashing At Dawn.
--> Do you own a..
- PS2?: Yes
- XBOX 360?: Nope
- PSP?: Nope
- SIDEKICK?: Thank Heaven, no.
- DIGITAL CAMERA?: Yes.
--> Do you shop at stores like Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, or Aeropostale?: I would rather die. 'Nuff said.
--> How do you make money?: I sell my eggs. (just kidding Mom.) I am STILL unemployed, see earlier question. Unemployment.
--> Last thing you bought over 50 dollars?: Antenna for my flatscreen. (Stupid thing, EVERYTHING you need for it is expensive...)
--> Are you missing someone right now?: I plead the fifth. Wait! My Dad... (Enough gagging noises, siblings...)
--> Finish this sentence. I wish: I wasn't so dang pretty. LOL. Just kidding. I wish I was rich.
--> One word to describe you: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
--> Favorite pair of shoes: Kenneth Cole black patent leather stiletto heels. Love them so much, I can't wear them.
-->Whois the first person in your Blog Links List?: Brookie Cookie. (It's in alphabetical order)
--> What would you rather be doing right now?: Sleeping. And something else I cannot mention here.
--> What should you be doing right now?: Looking for jobs... ;)
--> Have you kissed your significant other lately?: Not Applicable.
--> Last IM you recieved?: Friend of mine, Chris. It said, "whats up?" Exciting stuff.
--> Last text message you recieved? From Jamal, It said, "Hmm." Again, Exciting stuff.
--> Who did you hug today?: Matt. (Not my brother.) And the guy who changed my oil. (What? They were having a sale, I am unemployed...)
--> What are you going to do now?: Go to band rehearsal, Whaaa Hooo!

Alright Alright. Let's get the ball rolling. Tag rules say you only have to tag two people, but I shall tag the following... Tracy, because she hates them. Lisa, because its BEEN awhile, Jamie, because she's NEW!! and D-Dawg because she is always entertaining. Now now, no putting curses or bad karma on me. Peace.

New All Ages Show Flier!!

2009-03-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

Hello Internet! We just released our newest all ages show flier, here it is! I am not sure how many, if any, all ages shows we will be doing from here on out, so if you are under twenty one, please come to New Song Underground! Otherwise, we have a really exciting show coming up at Liquid Joe's on the 31st of March. Peace, Love, and Rock 'n Roll.

Bendster

Why I have the best mother in the world and you don't.

2009-02-23T14:18:00.000-08:00

Conversation between my mother and myself on thursday, Feb. 19th, 2009.

-Kendra! What are you doing here?
+I got laid off. I came here for support and noone was here...(I start to cry)
-Oh honey. Come here. You AND your sister. Jamie came over and couldn't figure out how to open the back door! I found her crying in the garage! (she starts to laugh.)
+Mom! Its scary! My life sucks!
-Your life doesn't suck! (She is still laughing.)
+It does too! Ready the spare room, I might have to move back in.
-Oh no you don't! Here, take the paper.
+Fine, I will. There are NO JOBS. NONE. I shall have to be someone's slave.
-Okay. You can be our slave. Stop eating all that food!
+I have to! I am UNEMPLOYED.
-You can shop in the food storage. Don't take anything really good. (She starts laughing again.)
+Mom, I wanted to scream out. "YOUR ALL NEXT!" They were really mean.
-(She laughs)
+I don't know what to do. This dumb lady at work kept saying to me "I am really worried. I am REALLY getting worried now!" AS I WAS CLEANING OUT MY DESK. You mean, you are WORRIED that what is happening to me MIGHT happen to you?
-(She keeps laughing.)
+I am going to file for unemployment. I might lose my car. I will have no money.
-(She keeps laughing.)
+I don't know what to do. I think I will try to panhandle. Give me all your spare change!
-You will be able to find a job! (She is still laughing.)
+Sure. I can always start stripping.
- (She stops laughing.) Here, I found a dime in the couch. You take it. Put it in your pocket. (She starts laughing again.)
- I start laughing.
Strangely, I feel better.

When the going gets tough, the tough go to....... VEGAS!

2009-02-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

So here's the story, Morning Glory...

My bestie, Justin, was playing in a hockey tournament in Las Vegas this past weekend. I had really wanted to go, but I had to work. Then, out of nowhere, I got laid off on thursday. (I know. Pretty scary, I am freaking out, send money.) So now I have a free couple of days, right? (or months, you know, I am trying to think positive) BUT, I don't want to spend the money. I mention to this friend of mine, Matt, that we should go to Vegas this weekend. He says, "Okay." Okay?? Okay. Lets do it. Ha. But I am still uncertain. So Justin calls me back Friday night at 11:30 pm and says, "Okay, heres the deal. Alex (my other really good friend on the team) had his car towed in Arizona on the way to Vegas. We don't have a way back to Salt Lake. I am calling in the friend card. I need ya." So I say, "Alright. I'll come." In my head, I am all. WOOT WOOT! Right? So here's how it played. I call Matt when I got done with a photoshoot I had with Crashing at Dawn on Saturday at about two o'clock in the afternoon. He's ready to go. I pack a bag, pick Matt up and we are on our way at about three twenty. Get to Vegas at eight. Party like rockstars with the hockey team. Sleep. Get up and go to the hockey game. (They get killed. HOO RAH Buccaneers!) Grab some lunch. Hop in the car and come home. (Now with THREE grown men in my backseat. Gotta love the XBox.) Get home about eight thirty. Sleep. Also worth mentioning, good karma is invaluable. I pay for the gas on the way there. Matt proceeds to win $200.00 in ten minutes playing blackjack, (Coincidentally the ONLY ten minutes we spent gambling in Vegas the whole time! Him, anyway, I don't gamble.) ANYWAY, even with Matt picking up my meals cause he's a sweetheart, he breaks even. The trip was FREE for him. HOLLA! Dustin buys Matt and I dinner for coming. The guys let us crash in their hotel room for coming and also pay for my gas on the way back. Here's the breakdown.

Gas to Vegas- $22.oo

Snack at gas station- $4

Total for weekend trip to Vegas- $26.00

Road Tripping to Vegas and back with some of my best friends WHILE being unemployed?

PRICELESS

Here's some pics. I forgot to break out the camera until we were on our way back, hence mostly gas stations. Enjoy!

Here is my friend Matt.

Giving the thumb's up to show just how HAPPY he is driving!

Buccaneers, After the game.

Justin. Super tired after playing hockey on nothing but

a B12 vitamin and a V-8.

Matt again. I like this picture, I think it's cute. Thats Justin in the background.

Complaining with his mouth OPEN, as usual. Ha ha.

Matt 'n Me. Promoting Peace.

I took this picture out the window. I thought these clouds were really pretty.

Plus, I was bored.

This is what Matt refers to as "A worm with hair."

Yes. I am that sexy.

This is my most favourite picture of Justin EVER! So cute.

Justie and me. Apparently very frightened by something. Prolly one of Alex's Mexican food burps. EWWWWWWWWWWW.

THIS little gem is what Justin calls the Sex Panther.

That is what I would like to be referred to as, henceforth.

This is SO COOL. This rad custom painted van with Star Wars mural ALL OVER it. Even the front glass was etched. Dope.

Here is Al. Just woken up from a nap. Ergo, the Mountain Dew.

Dustin. It was VERY cold.

Not sure what this is. I think its a, "Don't take my picture,

just fill up the tank

and lets go."

Justin and Me. This is the story of our lives.

My feet. Again. Boredom.

Show pics from Kilby Court

2009-02-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

Hello Internet. My first show with my band, Crashing At Dawn, was on wednesday. It went really well. High energy, it's only up from here! Thanks to my friend and Rockette, Natasha, she took them and I stole them off her blog. Your the best! Just a few candid shots from the show. Enjoy!

Thank you! We'll be here till tuesday! Try the veal!

2009-02-09T10:56:00.001-08:00

Please please please come! We are super excited, except I am super nervous, so wait a second, don't come, wait until I have a couple of shows under my belt.... Wish me luck!

Man, I am getting worse and worse at this....

2009-01-25T20:58:00.000-08:00

Alright. I am in a very happy mood, but I have been itching to write about my pet peeves for a little bit, so here goes...

One- People who step on your foot, and bump into you or something, and SAY NOTHING! It's so rude. I have resorted to saying very loudly, "Ouch!" or "Excuse me!", much to the amusement of my friends.

Two- Men in public gathering places that apparently have no dating experience. For example, if you are trying to catch my eye and smile, and I am steadfastly ignoring you, that IS NOT an invitation to come over and offer to buy me something! Or, if this happens, and I smile and politely decline, DO NOT call me a cuss word! It shows your poor upbringing. Also, if the previous situation happened to you fifteen minutes before, you MAY NOT come up to me on the dance floor and try to dance with me. Um, what?

Three- Again, this pertains to men. If I am out somewhere with someone, and he goes to the bathroom, please do not use this as an opportunity to come up to me and ask for my number. When I very nicely explain that I am here with someone, a good example of an INAPPROPRIATE answer is, "He doesn't have to know." This has actually happened to me more than once.

Four- Those awful shopping carts with the one crappy wheel that either shakes incessantly, or squeals like I am physically abusing it. Attention K-Mart shoppers, I AM HERE. Haha.

Five- My siblings, Yep, all of them, because they ALL like to make fun of me in front of people I am trying to impress to show said people, "No, she isn't as cool as she is pretending to be." Yes, I am looking at YOU, Lisa and Kim!

That is all. Have an amazing day.

I know, I know, I am a terrible person

2009-01-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the pic, Nikki. I love this picture because even though I am slightly inebriated here, my face describes EXACTLY how I am feeling today and yesterday. So ecstatic my face is about to crack from smiling. So, it's been awhile since my last post. I know, I suck. I'M SORRY!! Let's make up. Anyway, I have a good reason. A couple of good reasons. I have been hardcore auditioning for this band. Drum roll please...................... I GOT IN! Yep, that's right folks. I am now lead vocalist of an AMAZING band called Crashing at Dawn. Please check them out. You can find them at crashingatdawn.net. Please note that the vocalist on the tracks currently available on their website is NOT ME. I repeat, NOT ME. We shall just have to be patient for that, now won't we.

I am super excited. Words cannot express how stoked I am about this. Crashing at Dawn is an amazing, very talented, serious band. My first gig with them is February 11th over at Kilby Court. Come check it out. I am hyperventilating....whooooooosh. Okay. I am solid. Also, in other news, I am kinda sorta seeing someone. That's ALL the info you get because I don't want to jinx it. I have to go breathe into a paper bag now, so more later.

Um, Okay. Please be quiet now...

2008-12-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

I thought I would share a little conversation that happened to me today. 'K' would be me, 'Guy 1' would be a coworker of mine that is also a good friend. 'Stupidface' would be another coworker of mine that I do not particularly like, for soon to be obvious reasons. Here it is, word for word.

K- Hey, Guy1, I am totally stumped on what to get my brother for Christmas, do you think he would like a boxed DVD set?

Guy1- Well, lets think here. Whats he like?

K- Um, totally nice, we get along pretty well, he is pretty stylish.

Guy1- What does he do?

K- Actually, he lives in San Francisco right now, he goes to Hastings.

(At this point, 'Stupidface' apparently has been eavesdropping, 'cause he jumps in here.)

Stupidface- Wow, Kendra. You have a brother in law school?

K-Um, yeah. Actually, I have two siblings in law school and another in pre-law.

Stupidface-Wow. What happened to you?

(I am speechless for a moment, trying to figure out if he actually means this how it came out. He did.)(Guy1 is choking on suppressed laughter.)

K-Um, I went to college. I went to Salt Lake Community.

Stupidface- Well, yeah, you know, "Design school". (he makes the quote fingers).

(I walk away).

And there you have it. Another day in the life of Kendra Harrison. My book comes out soon, it's titled, "Life with the Amoebas". Buy one today.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2008-12-08T12:53:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to say, I got my very first Christmas present of the year, from MY FRIEND TAYLEE this morning. A ticket to Britney Spear's concert stop in Salt Lake City!! On her comeback tour!! It's in April, and I bet in two weeks, you won't be able to buy tickets. Nope. I am so excited, I think I need my inhaler... THANKS TAY, LOVE YOU MUCH!!

Handsome, Handsome Bruver....

2008-12-04T11:52:00.000-08:00

I periodically go thru bouts of intense pride in my siblings. Alot, actually. Today's highlight will focus on my brother, Matt Harrison. He is wonderful. No, his name is not Matthew, it's Matt. He is currently attending law school at Hastings, in San Francisco. That's right ladies, he is smart, single AND handsome. I understand some of you might find this post a little weird, but I don't care. Please find the link to his blog on my sidebar. Also, please note that he and I have a sibling resemblance. Mostly, goodlookingness. He is SUPER funny, and actually has people refer to him as "Hacksaw". Do not ask me why. I can tell you that some of the best moments of my life are when I have succeeded in getting him to laugh. A major accomplishment, I can tell you. Alright, I am done gushing. Stay tuned, for next week's Installation of... The Amazing Harrisons!

Here We Go....

2008-12-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot possibly imagine why anyone would be interested in hearing about my quirks, BUT if you are, just ask my mother. I am sure she will give you a list that would be much funnier than anything I have to say. I have a very comedic mother. Anyway, that notwithstanding, here goes...

Here are the rules:
1. link the person who tagged you.
2. mention the rules on your blog.
3. tell about six quirks you have only 6!

Thanks Mattie! You can find him at http://hacksawslaw.blogspot.com/.

Quirk 1-
If you have read any of my siblings blogs, you will know that we as a people tend to be vain, and proud of ourselves. I have a similar quirk to Brooke's, except where she is attracted to her reflection in anything shiny, I am compelled to my reflection for a completely different reason. Self-Consciousness. I am not attracted to my reflection because of my vainness, but because I am checking for flaws. Messed up hair, smeared makeup. Its very strange, but the funny thing is, I am not very good at it. People catch me ALL THE TIME. "What are you looking at?" "Were you checking yourself out?" Yes, yes I was. I suck. haha.

Quirk 2-
I love bread. Love it. I am OBSESSED with it. I have mentioned it several times on this blog, but I am not sure people understand the depth of my longing for it. That's not all. I am a bread snob. Just any bread won't do it for me. I love high quality, well baked deliciousness. You want to make me extremely happy? Give me a gift card to Great Harvest. No joke. When I buy those breadsticks from Little Caesars? I always buy two packs. Wanna know why? Because it is inevitable that someone will want one. AND I NEED A WHOLE PACK FOR MYSELF. Yessir. I love bread. In fact, a major highlight of my trip to San Francisco last year was the sourdough bread in the round loaves you can't get anywhere else. Delish. When my family took a vacation to San Francisco when I was fifteen, I came back to Salt Lake with three sourdough loaves packed in paper in my suitcase. Again, I AM NOT KIDDING. Ate those in secret in my bedroom. Couldn't let anyone know I had them. My dad loves bread almost as much as me.

Quirk 3-
I am extremely clumsy. I have broken three pairs of heels just from standing wrong in them. I routinely run into walls and things because I am not paying attention. My body is magnetically attracted to solid, pointy pieces of furniture. I have FALLEN sideways in my apartment to slam into a bookcase for no obvious reason. I swear, sometimes the earth's gravity fails just for a split second, long enough for my body mass to fall sideways at any given moment. Very funny, if you happen to be standing next to me, or walking somewhere, when I just collapse to the ground. Nope, I don't need a reason, cause or excuse. I don't think my body works correctly. I need to call on that warranty.

Quirk 4-
I am very sensitive when it comes to my fashion choices. Anything from my hair color or cut, my clothes, or my makeup is covered in this clause. Apparently, some people think that because I might look a little different, I don't have feelings, or its perfectly fine to say the first thing that pops into your little pin head when you first clap eyes on me. Some of the choice things I have had said to me... "Do you get dressed in the dark? I mean, do you just roll out of bed, grab the first things on the floor and put them on?" He was totally serious. "How many pairs of little tight pants do you own?" I guess I need to ease off on the Fall Out Boy trend. "Did you know some of your hair is purple in the back?" Oh no! Are you serious? That hair stylist is gonna hear from me! And my personal favourite, "Are all of your clothes second-hand? I have never even been in the DI." GOOD! STAY OUT OF IT! MORE COOL STUFF FOR THE REST OF US!! I guess being who I am, I should expect some of it. I still remain sensitive, and for the most part, I answer these statements with a dead, fish eye stare. As in, Seriously, did that just fall out of your mouth? You outta be embarrassed.

Quirk 5-
This is a VERY bad habit of mine. Other people's kids sometimes make me nervous. Not my nieces and nephews, but children not related to me however distantly. Therefore, sometimes without thinking, I use them as butts of jokes. I know. It's never funny, especially to the parents, but I never know what to say. So I either say something mean, I can't even think of what, and follow with a "Huh, isn't that right" in a baby voice, or speak to them like little adults, as in, "How are you today, sir?". Yeah. I know. Ew. I have been working on this one recently, and I think it's getting better.

Quirk 6-
Not only am I overtly competitive, but I have no scruples when it comes to cheating. That combination leads to me being mad that someone else is winning, (even if they are winning very fairly and because they happen to be talented) then trying to cheat. If I get caught, I will defend myself by saying, "I was losing!!", like this is an acceptable excuse. I will just be so mad I was losing, this seems legitimate to me at the time. Over and over this will happen. I am not proud of it, but I can tell you even now writing this, I can remember how it FEELS legitimate to me. If my opponent gets upset and demands restitution, I will feel VERY put out and taken advantage of. Doesn't make sense, I know. Scrabble, Pool, Foosball, even Candyland are all fair game. Do not, I repeat, do not try to play a boardgame with me if at anytime you might have to leave the board unattended. This is not a joke. I cannot control myself. Also, if you want to see me cry tears of rage, beat me or my team fair and square at an impromptu game of badminton or baseball. Want to see me get mad and chuck my racket, bat or glove? Beat me BADLY. You might be able to get me to swear in front of minors.

Down...

2008-12-02T15:46:00.001-08:00

My asthma is bad. I am bummed. Sometimes I get in these moods. I am trying to not be bummed. But right now, I am a little down.

This is what single life is like. Really. Count your blessings.

2008-11-24T17:42:00.000-08:00

Think about that Internet. I had a very interesting date this week. I like to date, normally. It's fun, sometimes I get a free meal, and people can be very interesting. I rarely go on a date that has serious potential, however. I did have one of those recently, more on that in the future, perhaps. You know, jinxing, and all that. I would like to share some of the "Highlights" from the interesting date I had this week. I originally had thought that he was a nice, successful, mildly goofy, handsome guy. Had some promise, I thought. Until our date. I had planned for us to go to a jazz performance, and meet some of my friends. (This was our third date, btw.)
- He forgets his wallet and has to go home for it. He then tries to talk his way into the venue for free. By using me.
- He opts to breeze by my friends on his way to the bar to get a drink. Friends look awkward, as they were waiting for him.
- I introduce him to my really good friend, who happens to be pregnant. She later confides in me that he winked at her when I couldn't see. Great.
- A different friend is leaving for the night. She apologizes and says she didn't get his name. He tells her, "No worries, it's James." His name is not James.
-When I question this decision, having overhead the exchange, He claims it will be "funny, when I meet her again later." Um, what?
-He repeats this little game with her husband, this time choosing the name "Jeff". Funny, because that happens to BE the husbands name. Okay again.
-I find out via text message he has winked at a second friend, again when I wasn't looking.
At this point, I am pretty much done. I want to leave on a good note, and not have any animosity. I decide to cut him loose, and end the date early, as nicely as I can. So we leave, and get in the car.
-He proceeds to make a comment about how hot my pregnant and TAKEN friend is, then says how we, (He and I) should invite her back to his house and his hottub. I AM NOT KIDDING.
-He then speculates at length about how my pregnant friend and her boyfriend aren't married, and don't I find it Interesting?
At THIS point, I inform him that I DO NOT find it interesting, as this is the 21st century. I also take the liberty of informing him that I find his comment about my friend offensive to both her and myself. Not in those exact words of course.
-He says, "Oh, you know how I am, I was kidding." NO SIR. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU ARE. I HAVE MET YOU THREE TIMES.
-He then informs me that it is very weird that I want to go home early, and do I have something I want to tell him?
-He then asks me if I am a PLAYER, and am I ditching him for someone else. AGAIN. I AM NOT KIDDING.
Obviously, I am speechless.
-He says, "I know. I don't have words either." Because, apparently, I have SERIOUSLY taken advantage of him. And his pregnant friends.
As I am excusing myself and trying to leave, he gives the death blow. "You know, Kendra, if you think of what you want to say to me later, send me a text. You know, if your not ASLEEP." He winks knowingly.
Ladies and Gentleman, there you have it. If you have a normal, good looking funny man you think I would really get along with? Keep him. I will probably provoke the crazy in him.

Sometimes, I love my job.

2008-11-24T13:01:00.000-08:00

This picture to the left has nothing to do with this post. I am just continuing my love affair with the Rock. Mmmm. Okay. The following is a conversation between my friend Natasha and myself this morning at work. Enjoy.

Tasha:I think your hair looks great that colour
Tasha: FYI
Kendra: yup
YUS??
Tasha: I saved a class a today
I was a hero
:)
Kendra: YAY!!
Tasha: I know right
I need more sleep
Kendra: he was a zero zero, now he is a hero hero.
thats from hercules.
JUST LIKE THAT!
zero to hero,
okay, i am done
Tasha: I haven't seen that in forever
Though curiously I want to see Willow now. Absolutely no correlation.
Kendra: PU- PA!
Tasha: OUT OF THE WAY PECK!
Kendra: funny shtuff
Tasha: So hello, I bought Relacore several months ago and I'm haven't lost anything....what're you going to do about this?
Kendra: Well, I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING.
its not my fault if you want to waste your money on product that doesn't work, now is it?
how fat are you?
Tasha: exactamundo
Kendra: three hundy?
here is my professional recommendation.
go into the bathroom
get a razor
and kill yourself.
you, sir, are too fat to live.
yup.
too
fat
to
live
Tasha: Wow. violent. I was just thinking he was a big fat fattty
but your way works too
Kendra: fatty fatty fat fat!
you must SING it to him
Tasha: with a munchkin melody
Kendra: did you hear my voice just now?
Tasha: I have nasty sick burps
Making me ill
ew.
Kendra: TMI. natasha.
T
M
I
Tasha: You would make a good vampire slyer
slayer
Kendra: hah. why?
Tasha: I don't know you just have what it takes
Kendra: well thanks.
I am flattered.
Tasha: Sarcasm in awkward moments when you should be killing things
perfect
little dance for comedic relief
done
Kendra: you are so weird.
do vampires do comic relief?
man. I have the wrong day job.
Tasha: Yes. It stuns them.
Kendra: really? gol, buffy had it good.
Tasha: Seriously. She didn't even have to deal with the closet trolls. Those bastards are nasty!
Kendra: ew.
Tasha: I'm tired of the unsung heros
I want credit
Kendra: how are you tired of them?
they are UNSUNG!!
you haven't even heard of them yet.
like willow?
Tasha: I'm the unsung hero! While you're out singing and dancing the vamps into oblivian I'm dealing with trolls and toe jam. Gross.
Kendra: singing and dancing. yus. Thats how I get men, too.
I am like, hello? did you just see that toe kick just now?
beautiful.
Tasha: Exactly. I need to start practicing and get my flexibility up. Maybe the big man will promote me
Kendra: whos the BIG MAN in vampire slaying?
I will give you showgirl lessons.
Tasha: Yes. Teach me obiwan kanobi, you're my only hope!
Kendra: Can you wear bug feathers on your head?
Tasha: If I put my mind to it
Kendra: haha. big i mean
Tasha: Yes and I look amazing in big feathers. I rock that look. Screw Vegas for stealing my style!!!
Kendra: yeah. screw vegas.
I heart big feathers.
I AM Obiwan.
I had a little rat tail too, but my mom made me shave it off.
yep.
Tasha: WHAT?! Well we'll just have to hide the clippers and give her a good talking to!
Kendra: she said no steps, either. Man, she cramps my style.
But she is right. If I don't have beautiful hair, how will I ever catch a man?
haha.
Tasha: How can you breath in such stifling conditions. My creativity is in rebellion just at the thought
Kendra: Lord knows my personality is already bringing me down.
Tasha: Great hair does help....she may be wise
Kendra: I love the phrase "Catch a man" ha. Makes me think I should go to finishing school.
balance a book on my head.
Tasha: Have you talked to papa smurf about these self esteem issues
I went through that
Seriously
Kendra: who is papa smurf?
and why do you have all these masculine authority complexes?
Tasha: What? How old are you? ...."who is papa smurf?"....the blasphemy
Kendra: I thought it was an analogy.
Tasha: Smurfette was busy. She's booked out for MONTHS
Kendra: I am twenty three.
Papa smurf was her PIMP?!!
man those saturday morning cartoons...
Tasha: Seriously. You're amazing. If you think otherwise you need smacked good and hard
no more bad talk
Kendra: thanks delicious.

Tag, inspired by D-Dawg, (please see sidebar)

2008-11-19T16:14:00.000-08:00

I like tags, unlike most of the blogging world. I really liked this one, inspired by my cousin Denae's blog. Check, Check, Check-it-out. Here goes...

Ten Things I Can Do

Sing opera in Italian

Polish fingernails and toenails alike to near perfection

Drive a stick-shift

Ace a job interview

Improve someone's day armed only with a smile and a compliment

Change my mood with pure force of will

Do a fierce runway walk through a grocery store aisle

Make people laugh

Love with all of my heart, kittens and weather and people alike

Wear Heelys successfully

Ten Things I Cannot Do

Resist bread in any shape or form

Cry for less than ten minutes

Respect someone I find eternally irritating

Leave a box of Lemonheads unopened

Resist checking out a handsome cop in my rearview mirror

Kill a spider without a full body shudder and a shriek for my empty apartment

Live without weekly phone calls to my sisters in Portland

Watch the Pepto Bismol Dance without laughing

Play softball without getting hurt

Look at photos of my family without immense pride

My favourite Halloween costume to date!!

2008-11-17T14:40:00.000-08:00

Not my favourite picture of it, but the costume really turned out cool. I will try to find a better pic..... Yay for Halloween!!

HARRISON BYRON WILLIAMS, WELCOME!!!

2008-11-13T12:26:00.000-08:00

My new little nephew has been born. He was born on the 1st of November, and the reason I haven't posted about it, is because I wanted to let my sister, his MOTHER, be the first one to post about it. She took, FOREVER to do it. Yeah, she is a new mom, blah, blah. Here he is world, and he is dahling. JUST DAHLING. Unlike Kimmercakes, I cannot be objective, and he is easily in the top ten cutest babiest in the world. Some of the other top tenners are my other five nephews, my niece, and of course, The Rock, because I am sure he was a cute baby too.

We, the Harrison kids, have christened him "Halloweenie"!! Never fear, we had already nicknamed Naomi, "Mimi" and "Omi", Asher "Ashie" and "Ash-Can", and Oliver "Ollie", and "Ollie-kins". We are just mean like that. However, my favourite nickname of Harrison's happens to be "Harry B", given by my father, makes me laugh every time.

My sister, Kim. I love this picture because it is a really good one of Kim, and I feel like people always post these pictures, like, TWO MINUTES AFTER THE BIRTH, and the poor mom is all sweaty and tired. So I like this one because it almost seems like she had the baby, all sweetness and light and then was like, here darling, that's how it is done. HA!

This is a picture of my Mom, Tanya. Kim has nicknamed her "Granny Tanny", which I think is SO FUNNY, and so cute. She may hate it tho, I will have to find out. I love this picture, because ISN'T HARRY B SO CUTE??? Okay, I am done gushing. Also, because this is a GREAT pic of my mom. Lookin' good Mom, you should frame this one.

AND here's one of my two Halloween costumes

2008-11-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

This one I wore to work... Thanks Mom. Hey, Kimmie, does this look familiar?

Halloween Pics, Keep 'em coming!

2008-11-07T19:07:00.001-08:00

Here are two of the Halloween pics I have received thus far...My really good friends, Alex as his father, presumably, Greg as Micheal Phelps, (Yes, ladies and gents, he shaved his WHOLE BODY in preparation of this great holiday, that's dedication.) and Justin, as a wrestler. In his old suit from HIGH SCHOOL. SIX YEARS AGO. Needless to say, I tried not to stand too close to him in case he made any sudden movements. Love those guys.

Here is my friend Dave. I daresay nothing needs to be added to this picture. Wow.

The Ocho | Eight reasons Utah had its highest voter turnout in state history on Tuesday.

2008-11-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

8. Free hot dogs and kettle corn at select polling locations.

7. That liberal Tracy Aviary, whoever she is, had to be stopped.

6. Dancing With the Stars wasn’t on. It was either vote or cry.

5. Needed something to Twitter about between 10 and 10:05 a.m.

4. Office polls showed Attorney General candidate Jean Welch Hill would make a total AGILF.

3. Not ready for another elderly white leader who might not live past General Conference.

2. Not ready for a black president if Jack Bauer doesn’t have his back.

1. Thought that gay marriage thing was a local crisis. Whew! No gays here!

Compliments of City Weekly. Thought you'd like that.

All Hallow's Eve...

2008-10-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

I am going as Ms. Marvel for Halloween...Here is a picture of me, in cartoon form. Also, on that same note, I have had three different people tell me that I look like that girl on the E-surance commercials. How do you look like a cartoon? Oh well... Any thoughts?

Also, I would like to solicit for pictures of everyone I know that reads my blog in their Halloween costumes. I love Halloween, it's my favourite holiday. Please send me pictures of you, your children, and your friends in their costumes so I can do a blog about it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! Send them to kendratown@gmail.com. Thanks!

Only Eight Days Left...Everyone, please VOTE!

2008-10-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

In honor of our nation's Presidential Election, I have posted my two favourite Top Ten lists from David Letterman. Enjoy.

Top Ten Signs the Presidential Campaign is Getting Ugly

10-Three times Straight Talk Express has "accidentally" knocked over Obama's mailbox

9-Next debate will be moderated by Jerry Springer

8-McCain keeps referring to opponent as Senator Barack Hussein Obama Bin Laden

7-Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house

6-Desperate attempt to connect Obama with the last eight years of Regis

5-No number 5 -- economy so bad, writer putting everything he owns up on eBay

4-They have resorted to "your Vice President's so dumb" jokes

3-Obama claimed McCain's irresponsibility caused the 1929 stock market crash -- he's that old, people!

2-Even Dick Cheney thinks they're being cruel

1-Obama's gloves are off, McCain's teeth are out

Top Ten Surprises in the Presidential Debate

10-Jim Lehrer began proceedings with, "Which one of you morons wants to go first?"

9-McCain answered every question by cupping his ear and saying, "How's that?"

8-Opened with closing statements, closed with opening statements

7-McCain said he had more fun at the Lincoln-Douglas debates

6-Everybody was talking about the new "Late Show Fun Facts" book available at bookstores
everywhere

5-McCain pledged to fill entire cabinet with sassy underqualified hockey moms

4-Obama said he'll be on next season's "Dancing With The Stars" -- this guy will do anything

3-Both had uncomfortable restroom stories involving Senator Larry Craig

2-They picked some guy out of the audience from New Jersey to read a Top Ten list

1-The winner -- Tina Fey

I'mmm SOOORYY, Soooooo Sooorry.

2008-10-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

Please imagine the title sung. You all know the song. My brother Karl used to sing it to me after he would snap a wet towel repeatedly on my poor little seven-year-old stick legs leaving big red welts. It worked every time because I was a sucker for my big brother. I also was a sucker for his tiny little dangly dagger earring in one ear after he got back from the Army. Haha. that's payback. But. This blog is an apology for leaving my cousin Denae Harlow off the sidebar of my blog's links because I am lazy. She has an amazingly funny blog and everyone should read it. I'mmmmmmmmmmm Sooooooooooory. Sooooooooooo Soooooooory. Please accept my apology. Her blog is under My Cuz D-Dawg on my sidebar as of today. As a condolence, I am including some of my favourite pics from her recent entries.

This is D-Dawg. She has mastered the art of the self-taken portrait. Don't you agree? She is also on vacation here. Nevermind that the heat in my apartment has yet to be turned on and it was 24 degrees in Salt Lake last night. I am happy for her.

These are D-Dawg's bebes. I have no doubt in my mind that they are probably the best children in the whole freakin' world. Seriously, they are gifted. Macey steals my heart every single entry. Hey Macey, wanna come live with Cousin Kendra? Chocolate cake for breakfast every day.....

This is D-Dawg's husband Dave. Not much needs to be added to this picture. It says it all. And in person? He is so funny. Seriously? Seriously.

Bonus picture of Dave because it makes me laugh OUT LOUD every time I see it. HA!

Bonus picture of Macey, because she is SO ADORABLE, I can't handle it. I want to kidnap her. Not in a freaky way tho. Totally healthy kidnapping.

And there you have it! I love you D-Dawg, now can we be made up?

ACME BURGER!!

2008-10-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

My sister Jamal and my friend Taylee and I went to Acme Burger over the weekend, and had SUCH a delicious time! In fact, I kept saying, "We are having SUCH a delicious time", and "It's Saturday night, feel the POWER!!" so many times to the waiter that he finally said to me, "yeah, I don't really know what you are talking about." And walked away. HA! We loved it. It was just the three of us and the practically all male waitstaff was acting as if they had never seen three good lookin' women eat out together without a man before. Our Chaperone is waiting in the limo sirs, never fear! Acme Burger was seriously amazing and not too expensive. Jamie was telling me that every time she has been in there, it has been dead. I would hate for such a great restaurant to go out of business just from lack of word of mouth. Go forth and eat! The website is http://www.acmeburgercompany.com/. Check it out. The mac 'n cheese is to die for. Tay had the three bean veggie burger, and Jamal had a hamburger, and I had the TINY 'lil burger. DELISH. Not even enough words in my extensive vocabulary to describe it.

This is my tiny burger. I was so full. Not sure why my face looks so weird, I guess I just look like that.

This is a NINE DOLLAR raspberry sauce Tiramisu. AMAZING. That is why I look like I have won the lottery.

My Bebes....

2008-10-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

My friend Taylee..at http://shmaytalk.blogspot.com/, inspired me with the photos of herself and her fiancee' on her blog of their future children. Being single, I morphed two photos of myself. HA! Slightly weird, but great fun. I have absolutely NO IDEA why my children seem ethnic. Also, Mom, it seems redheads DO run in the family.

Irritation

2008-10-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

Let me just say this, because I am fairly irritated at this moment. I have a loud laugh. This I know. I have had so many people shush me, or ask, "Why do you laugh so loud?". I do not know. That is just the way I am. I have always been a very boisterous person with a huge lung capacity, ask my mother! When I happen to be laughing at something they said, they never complain!! Why would you complain when my loud laugh just lets other people know how funny you are? I just wish that people would realize that it is hurtful. It's like saying, "Why do you wear your hair that way?", or "Why do your parents have so many kids?" (Which I get ALL THE TIME, and it's super rude. They just like kids, is all.) Anyway. I just wish people would think. I don't do it on purpose, and I rather like it. Its a sign of joy. I am laughing more at this point in my life than I have in a year. I will take it. Hate on haters. Hate on.

Poem

2008-10-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

when the heart is cut, or cracked, or broken
do not clutch it,
let the wound lie open
let the wind from the good old sea blow into
bathe the wound with salt
and let it sting
let a stray dog lick it
let a bird lean in the hole and sing
a simple song like a tiny bell
and let it ring
let it go.
let it out.
let it all unravel.
let it free and it can be
a path on which to travel.

::michael leunig::

Um. I get bored at work sometimes... and THIS is what happens. What happened? I can't remember anything but a blackout. Hmmm.

2008-10-13T20:36:00.001-07:00

You! Top row, on the left! In the suspenders! Yah, you! We need to have a talk about your performance at today's shoot! Alone. Now.

Chain letter, do it or die, or get leprosy, or get wrinkles...

2008-10-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

Taylee, Taylee, Taylee. My friend Taylee has "tagged" me with this chain letter thingie that is for bloggers. She tagged me by saying this at the end of her tagged blog, and I quote,"I tag Kendra. Because I know she has a lot of free time at work. Your welcome Kendra." Thanks. (THANKS! WILL YOU HOLD ME?--for those of us who have seen and memorized Saturday's Warrior.) So welcome to more information than you ever wanted to know about me. Here goes...
Tag Thingy
Thank you Taylee...

10 Favorites...
Color- You CANNOT ask an Interior Designer to pick a favourite color. Its like picking a favourite child. (I love you too Dad.)
Food- Bread. HANDS DOWN.
Song- Currently its "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce'. I sing it in my car to my imaginary boyfriend who just imaginarily (is that a word?) cheated on me.
Movie- Superbad.
Sport- SOFTBALL! Despite the fact that softball hates me and keeps trying to kill me.
Season- Ah. Summer.
Day of the Week- Thursdays, for Karaoke.
Ice Cream Flavor- Raspberry sorbet.
Time of Day- 10:00 a.m. The time I can most often be found in my bed. I heart my bed.
Mood- Content.
Taste- Flawless. HA! Plastic-y. From my lipgloss.
Clothes- My sister Jamal's top, which I have already gotten FIVE compliments on, thanks Jamal. Cute skinny zipper jeans and black booties.
Desktop picture- A couple on the beach at sunset. Reds and Oranges. Noticeably NOT me.
Toenail color- Pale ivory pink.
Time- 2:27 p.m.
Surroundings- Call Center, rat farm cubicles.
Annoyances- Loud Laughter from the Man Aisle while I am on a call, that prompts my client to ask, "Where are you?". Um. At work lady. No, I am at home, in the bubble bath, making my telemarketer calls while my husband hosts a poker game. Ha.
Thought- Bubble bath. UMmmmmm.

8 Firsts...

Best Friend- Lindsay Parkinson.
Kiss- Diogo Ordacowski. He was brazilian. I totally remember him putting his tongue in my mouth while I screamed from horror inside my brain. "EWW! Do people DO THAT? EW!"
Screen Name- kendratherockharrison
Pet- Theo. A beautiful gray kitty. Sigh.
Crush- Curtis Bedke, I think. Wow. I am impressed with myself for remembering that. He was a total jerk to me, so, of course I loved him.
Music you remember hearing-"Conga" by Gloria Estefan. Again, thanks Dad.
Car- ROSIE!! A 1985 Mazda GLC. Red. And Rust.
Speeding Ticket- I LIED to the cop. Still got a ticket. Two weeks after I got my license.

7 Lasts...

Cigarette- Uh. I have ASTHMA. So no.
Drink- Coffee. This morning.
Car Ride- To work. With Ms. Britney Spears.
Kiss- Oh wow. Maybe soon...
Phone Call- Last night, to my friend Derek. Making him get out of bed and walk with me to Beto's at Midnight.
CD played- Taylor Swift. I KNOW! I HAVE A PROBLEM.

6 Have you evers'...

Dated one of your best friends- Nope.
Broken the law- Um. No comment.
Been arrested-No. Been searched a couple of times though. Thank YOU, Mr. David Cox.
Skinny dipped- No. I am boring.
Been on TV- Yes.
Kissed someone you didn't know- Again, no. I am boring.

5 Things (5 for each)...

Your wearing- My fancy work badge, a wrist brace for my broken hand, Jamie's special top, Stella McCartney In Two fragrance, red nail polish.
You've done today- Made Jamie mad, bought a book, tripped in public, made Jamie mad again, laughed loudly.
You can hear right now- The guy behind me manipulating his client, again the Man Aisle laughing, someones phone ringing with a Journey ringtone, clapping to celebrate something, my heartbeat.
You can't live without- Bread, my family, my phone, my Ipod and phone calls from my sister Lisa.
You do when your bored- Eat dip, pretend to workout, call people, clean, and make lists.

4 Places you have been today...
1-Barnes and Noble
2-Hip and Humble
3-Great Harvest
4-Work

3 People you can tell anything to...
1-Lisa
2-Karl
3-Nicole

2 Choices...
1- Get Divorced or Stay Married, been there done that, never want to do it again.
2-To be happy. Every day. It's a choice.

1 Thing you want to do before you die...
Realize my potential.

Done! And now, I tag Lisa. Because her posts are never long enough to satisfy me. Your welcome.

My IPod is psychic

2008-10-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yep. It's true. I have noticed that my IPod seems to be able to read my mind. Whenever I place it on Shuffle, it can sense my mood, and play songs accordingly. For example, when I am getting ready to go out, it plays a wonderful medley of Pink, The Pussycat Dolls and Kelly Clarkson. Yesterday morning, it was cloudy and I was cleaning. It played nothing but Jack Johnson, Three Doors Down and Gavin Rossdale. The absolute best was when I was driving in my car, in a weird mood, and it played four songs from the Rent soundtrack in a row. By the time it decided I had had enough, I was in an excellent mood. I definitely heart my IPod for being able to play music I didn't even know I was in the mood for. If my IPod was playing right now, it would be Chicago, (The band, not the soundtrack) and O-Town's "All or Nothing At All." I am gonna buy you a nice pretty new sleeve, IPod, just for being you.

I can't read lips unless they're touching mine. -John Troast

2008-10-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

I met a man. I have a date. This is not an extremely unusual occurrence, so don't get all excited Mom. But. I like this one. I think. Here's the idea. To kiss, or not to kiss? My mom says not to kiss on a first date. The truth? I am hard-pressed to follow that rule when I really think he is cute. If he smells good too? I am a goner. So, rock the vote people! The date is Tuesday night... details to follow.

Ew. I feel sick...

2008-10-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

One Hundred and Seventy Two Dollars and Twenty Two Cents later, my car window is fixed. I feel used. Used by the Techna Glass people! I went through them the FIRST time my window was broken this year! I accused the tech guy of trying to drum up business through me, but he just laughed. He actually gets points for being really nice. Extra bonus points for being cute. He also told me it has been really common lately, and that I was his third window replacement today. It makes me feel better that if I am suffering, other people should be too! HA! Just kidding. Sorry people. Still, I feel sick. Oh well. I love my car. Love it. And I try really hard to keep it nice. So I am torn between being really sad and mad at whoever is mean enough and moral-less enough to hurt it, and trying to tell myself that IT'S JUST A CAR. So, I have set up a poll. Also, I just learned how to use the poll function, please be prepared to use it alot. Do you think I should write it off as just a car? Or is it okay that I feel personally violated by this affront?

C'MON! CUT ME A BREAK HERE!!

2008-10-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

To continue my saga of bad luck or poor karma or illogical feng shui, or whatev, my car was broken into last night. Nothing was taken, but the rear passenger window was shattered, there is glass EVERYWHERE, and the contents were shuffled. Apparently my collection of uber-cool jackets and scarves do not warrant risking petty theft. Or maybe they do not fetch enough money or cocaine or whatever they use for currency on the black market. I don't know. I did have an empty clutch (for those of you who dont know what that is, it's a small "going-out" purse. Your welcome.) sitting on the backseat and I suspect that may have been what triggered it. However, after looking in it, and chucking it into the front seat, they left it. And Thank Heaven for that. I love that clutch, and it wasn't cheap. Here's to trying to find the silver lining. By the way, for those who are counting, this is the second time this year a window has been shattered in my car by a vandal. I am pretty upset. It just seems like no matter how hard I try, or what I do, these things keep happening. But that's life. So I am gonna keep on keeping on, like Tina Turner says. It sucks, and its expensive, but I think I can cover it. So this morning I got ready for work, taped up the window, put on my "special occasion" perfume (Flowerbomb by Viktor & Rolf) because it makes me feel good, and drove to work. I vented to my father on the phone about how life sucks, and he laughed and said, "yeah, life can get frustrating." And I said, "yeah, but does it have to be so EXPENSIVE?" and that time he REALLY laughed and said, "It wouldn't be so frustrating if it wasn't expensive!" And yeah, thats true. But here's the thing. It's just a window. That's it. I am okay. Plus, it never hurts to have a massive Mountain Dew and big 'ol bag of Cheetos sitting on my desk when I get to work. Thanks Tay. Full calorie, full caffeine Mountain Dew makes ALOT of things better.

New Hair....

2008-10-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my new hair. New haircut, new hair color. And yes, someone did mention something to me that I vaguely remember as, "You look ALOT like Victoria Beckham (otherwise known as Posh Spice) in that picture." And no, I don't see the resemblance. I just happen to be really really pretty.

I LOVE The Rock...he so sexxy...

2008-09-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Otherwise known as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I love him. I know. It's stupid. I don't care. If I ever met The Rock, I would just die. DIE! I tell you. I just think he is the limit. And because I am single, I am totally allowed to foster ridiculous fantasies where I bump into him somewhere, like Mexico, and he falls completely head over heels for me. I know he would totally love me. Probably. Maybe. Okay, probably not, but a girl can dream. Plus, I would get to call him Dwaynie...

P.S. The Rock was in Salt Lake City a couple of months ago, and my friends REFUSED to go downtown to hunt for him! Salt Lake is tiny!! How hard could it be to spend a couple of hours in clubs searching for my ultimate dream man??!! I tell you! Stupid friends....

P.P.S. I have SEEN pictures of his ex-wife, and she ain't got nothing on me.

Hello World...

2008-09-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

I very rarely use this blog as a platform to discuss my life in reality. I have been struck by an interesting mood for the last couple of weeks repeatedly, and tonight, I feel like sharing. Whether or not this post will be taken down tomorrow is a different story. I have no idea how much or many of the details of my life are a secret. I was separated from my ex-husband the last week in August of 2007, divorce papers were filed one week later, and the divorce was finalized the first week of January of this year. This means I have been divorced for a year. I do not believe or allow myself to think for one moment that it was a mistake. It was an informed and necessary decision that I made to improve and enhance my personal quality of life. That being said, this year has been the hardest year of my life. Self-doubt, depression and low-self esteem have all taken their toll. To anyone who is thinking about divorce, or has been separated for a time, or IS divorced, I feel you. It is devastating. I wish I could explain it. This is not the reason for tonight's posting. I am not the type of person to have vast, defining epiphanies. I have realized that my conscience, or sense of self, or common sense, whatever it is, represents itself in very small realizations. Like for example, "Today, I am okay. Today, maybe just today, I feel good." This is extremely heartening to someone who, for a time, didn't know if I would ever feel good the way I wanted to again. A few other examples, "I can do this by myself." "I am a valuable member of society, someone who has alot to offer." A particular gem that causes me to feel brilliance every time I think of it was given to me by a very dear friend of mine, Maryam, when I professed my fear to her that there really wasn't a good man left in the single, eligible dating world. "Kendra. Look at you. You are smart, beautiful, successful, funny person. YOU are out there. How could there not be someone out there for you?" I swear to you, BRILLIANCE. I love you, Maryam. Being content is an emotion that is rare for me, but becoming more frequent, I think. And that feels really nice. I am counting on having more and more of these little realizations, because I think that the more I have, the more they will add up. For right now, this minute, everything is okay. The next time you see me, please don't be afraid to ask, "How are you?" and mean it.

Another day, another dollar....

2008-09-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

Another GLORIOUS conversation between me and my friend Tayleekins. That is my nickname for her, not hers. Her nickname for herself would probably be One All High Gloriousness. And then she would make people bow as they said it. HA! Just kidding Tay. Anyways, I don't even care if noone reads this post, yes people it is extremely long, because I think it is just so funny. Couple of things. Neither of us are actually fat, we just like to joke about it because we are weird. For some reason, we also find the word "woot." in print just as funny as "ew." or "sick." woot is, I guess, like a Whoo! but more comical. Try it. Woot! Woot! I know you just said that under your breath. haha. Too funny. I hope your coworkers didn't hear that. Also, at the very end, is a serious of text message abbrevations Taylee has strung together because they are funny. In case your were wondering. Proceed.

tayleekins: You
Kendra: ah, me.
tayleekins: what time does your shift start?
Kendra: 1:30
tayleekins: huh
ok
lets be friends
Kendra: okay, i would like to be friends...
tayleekins: have you heard back from that guy
?
Kendra: no!
AHH!
tayleekins: hm??
Kendra: its cool tho, I have to assume he has a job...
tayleekins: ya, seriously
Kendra: i am crzy.
Kendra: how are you?
tayleekins: fat
how are you
Kendra: oh stop.
tayleekins: no seriously...do you ever have Fat days where you feel the size of a whale...ya that's me
blahhhh
Kendra: yes i do.
no sweat.
drink some water.
tayleekins: i have been ALL day
Kendra: you have school later?
tayleekins: and I think it's going straight to my cheeks and thighs'
no. but tonight biggest loser is on. i'm obsessed.
then i'm going to the gym
Kendra: you should take a nap later. that will help.
that will help too.
tayleekins: ya
tayleekins: got any oreos?
Kendra: no. i hate 'em, remember?
tayleekins: ya but still
Kendra: i have string cheese....
tayleekins: no.
Kendra: why?
its good...
i have applesauce.
tayleekins: gol! stop being healthy!
freak
your making the fat girl feel fatter!
HAVE A HEART!
Kendra: ok. lets have some cheetos.
i am eating lemonheads...
and I had cake for breakfast.
YA HAPPY?
tayleekins: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs
THANK YOU LORD!
Kendra: i am totally posting this convo on my blog...
i heart you.
and your oreo addiction.
tayleekins: ew, sick. You love me because I'm fat! DON'T YOU!
CRY**
Kendra: yeth. i finally have a friend that is fatter than me.
you and i can shop in the "HUSKIES" foreva.
tayleekins: ...not cool.
HA
ew.
Kendra: all we are gonna wear from now on will be those matching velour pantsuits.
in every color.
tayleekins: done.
Kendra: we will match everyday.
DONE!
tayleekins: doner.
I want a lemon head
Kendra: donest
come out.
tayleekins: fine.
Kendra: whatcha think?
tayleekins: about what!
Kendra: about that GUY....
tayleekins: I DUNNO~
he has said TWO WORDS!
Kendra: i know...
tayleekins: wait until tonight?
Kendra: :(
tayleekins: MAN! those lemon heads are great!
Kendra: i lurve me some lemonheads.
tayleekins: mhm
tayleekins: you know what I hate.
JUNK MAIL
I mean seriously
Kendra: what's that.
yah.
just kidding.
tayleekins: how many times do you need to send me a stupid email for 80% off the wall street journal.
Kendra: who need the journal, anyway?
tayleekins: SERIOUSLY
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
WHO NEEDS IT!
tayleekins: how many calories are in a lemon head?
Kendra: wow.
tayleekins: I feel my thighs growing...I think they are the cause
HA!
Kendra: why are you askin that? you are crzzzzzzy.
2, i think
tayleekins: ok good
2. ha
Kendra: mebbe 2 1/2.
tayleekins: NO
NONIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
Kendra: ok.only 2
tayleekins: NOT 2 1/2~
ok 2.
Kendra: OKAY! only 2. for sure.
tayleekins: good
good i'm sayin
Kendra: you are on speed.
tayleekins: FOR SURE!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
BUZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I think those lemon heads went straight to my head.
ZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!
Kendra: DRINK SOME WATER!!!
tayleekins: STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD!
burp.
Kendra: ew.
tayleekins: fine.
i'll.
stop.
meany.
Kendra: i think its spelled. "meanie"
Kendra: haha. just kiddin, baby.
I want to go DO something.
tayleekins: Like what??
Kendra: like dinner, or dancing, or a bar.
tayleekins: you work until the but crack of night!
Kendra: ew.
hairy butt crack of night.
tayleekins: yes
Kendra: and ten is not that late....
tayleekins: SO
Kendra: FINE
tayleekins: UH YA IT IS
Kendra: alright gramma.
tayleekins: I AM IN BED BY 9
Kendra: yes. gramma.
tayleekins: take it back.
or else.
Kendra: or else what?
tayleekins: i'll cry.
Kendra: I TAKE IT BACK!!!
BACK BACK BACK!
tayleekins: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Kendra: thought you were gonna try to make me eat dirt.
then I was gonna laugh
tayleekins: ha
tayleekins: Don't be such a lemon head!
tayleekins: omfg!
wtf
lol
loma
jk
idk
lol
Kendra: idk, my bff jill!
tayleekins: omfg
Kendra: idk, my bff rose
tayleekins: idk! your bff TAYuhh
lol
twitter!
Kendra: woot woot!
idk, my bff TAY!
i just saw your LOVER
I waved at him just like spanky
tayleekins: You would. back off!
jk lol
stop talking to JD
STOP IT
OMFG! STOP!
I'm high.
or drunk.
I think I need to go home and drink and watch biggest loser!
FOR SURE!
Kendra: what time you off?
tayleekins: in ten
Kendra: yay! come say hi on your way out...
tayleekins: I parked the other way!
Kendra: alright.. buh bye...
tayleekins: lub you!
buh bye!

Here you are....

2008-09-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

Do ya like seafood? SEE FOOD. Ha.

BAM! And the world is right once again....

2008-09-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

So this last week has been a very taxing and stressful one for me. Let me just list a very few of the happenings that have crashed landed on my lap during the last seven days. 1- I went a blind date who then proceeded to rear end my car, and proclaimed he wasn't going to pay for it. 2-He is now paying HALF. 3- He then proceeded to ask me on a second date. I declined. 4- I hit a biker. (see previous blog.) 5- My softball team TOTALLY ATE IT. We are talking we didn't even make it one time through our batting roster. Guess who was listed last? Yup. Yours truly. 5- I lost the key to an $80 cabinet during my move downtown. The only way I can get another one is through a locksmith. They charge $75.00. I will spare you the rest, but please know there was ALOT more. Just crazy. To the point where I was using my inhaler hourly. Yah. But that is not why I am blogging. I am posting to let you know that I was feeling the slump of being single. I was lamenting the fact that there isn't, in fact, anyone good left. That I would be single and alone and lonely for the rest of my days. (Disregard the fact(s) that I have aton of really wonderful family members, and so many really great friends, am rarely home, and never lonely.) But I digress. The point is, I was on my way to my sister Tracy's house to look at her new lawschool clothes and eat ice cream from her freezer with my other sister, Jamie, when I stopped at a light. I am minding my own business, humming along with the radio, when a guy on a bicycle crosses in front of me, cuts left to come down my drivers side, and full on smiles at me through my window. I am so shocked, I just stare. He circles around my car while he waits for the light to change, and I, being completely dysfunctional, do nothing. I let him go. He had dark hair, these cute dimples, and a great smile. The point is, people, that the world is a great place. Somewhere, someday, there is a dark haired, dimpled man with a great smile that is anxiously awaiting my arrival. I am good for now, but he is out there. So BAM! The world is, once again, all right.

I deserve so much worse than that....

2008-09-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

I did a bad bad thing. My second day living in downtown Salt Lake City...(I love love love it!) I made a terrible mistake. I was driving back to my building from a delicious lunch with my good friend Taylee, when I noted I was passing a biker. (Bicycle, not Harley leathers) I dutifully gave him a wide berth, and kept going. About 30 seconds, maybe 45 seconds later, I see a parking space REALLY close to my building. Yay, score, go Kendra! I cut in to snag it, and to MY ABSOLUTE HORROR, hear a SCREEEEEE, BUMP. Really, really, HARD. Ohmyhellwhatwasthat. I am parked, beautifully. I turn to my left and see, a wobbly biker passing me. Yep, ladies and gents, I abruptly cut off, and struck a poor biker just trying to help our environment by being green. I am a TERRIBLE PERSON. I scream out my open window to him, "Are you alright? I am so SORRY!". He waves me away, saying, "Yeah, I am good." What? I hurriedly lock up my car, then RUN in my heels, totally channeling Carrie from Sex and the City, over to where he is shakely, (I assume) waiting for the light to change. I apologize profusely, proclaim my stupidity, and he miraculously dismisses me, saying he is really fine. WOW. I lucked out. Thank you, heaven, for preserving me from a lawsuit. I will close with a quote from Taylee, who told me later the thought that entered her head directly after witnessing this horrendous occurrence. "OH NO! KENDRA DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY!!" yes. I love that not only am I destitute, but all of my friends apparently know that.

Oh Taylee, where was I before I met you?

2008-08-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

I LOVE my friend Taylee Case. She is wonderful. I have been blessed with an amazing opportunity to honor this wonderful person as a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding. Yay, me! She is seriously so funny. Here is an excerpt from one of our many many hilarious exchanges via GoogleTalk. Keep in mind, she is at home, laying on her couch watching tv or something and I am at work. Now, for some strange reason, Taylee and I have concurred that the words (ew.) and (sick.) are so funny in print, especially when followed by a period. Do not ask me to explain. It just makes me laugh at the very sight of it.

9:55 PM

tayleekins: he's in the shower.

ew.

me: i feel like we are on the simpsons when we do that.

tayleekins: haha

me: I should run around naked

tayleekins: yes

me: give em somthing to talk about

tayleekins: yes

me: what a story!!

tayleekins: but then you'd be jobless

me: paul would have to give me a talking to tomorrow

jobless! HA! I would be ten peoples escort after that!!

tayleekins: haha

me: i have to pee. but no, they just cleaned it.

tayleekins: so go

me: no. too lazy.

i wish i had a catheter.

ew.

tayleekins: ew

sick haha

me: gol i hope you guys have a cuddle

and hot chocolate yum.

tayleekins: ew. ha

me: I want mc donalds.

tayleekins: kidding

me: ew.

tayleekins: sick!

me: haha

tayleekins: no MCDs

BAD

me: that is so freakin funny

i know.

tayleekins: your going to stop there...i know it

me: this job is gonna ruin my perfect body

tayleekins: haha ya, it'll do that to ya

me: then the fat jokes we make will be about me.

tayleekins: yup!

me: ARRRGHHH

sick.

tayleekins: ew.

me: ew.

everything is funnier with a period.

ah! ten o'clock.

sweet hour of mystery

tayleekins: GOOD NIGHT

get outa there

me: gnight baby.

see ya tomarra

tayleekins: bye

ew.

me: sick.

10:00PM

Yes, ladies and gentleman, that entire exchange took just five minutes. I hope you found it as wildly funny as I did.

I am afraid of automatic toilets....

2008-08-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

You know the ones I am talking about. They flush before you stand up, like a psycho American version of the ever popular European (no pun intended, haha) bidets. Now, I hate them for a simple reason. They scare the crap out of me. (ha!, no pun intended again, I am on a freakin' roll.) Seriously, I am ready to leave, on my way out of the stall, and they flush like a water receptacle from hell! The loudest noise possible, and I kid you not, I feel like an extra from a cheesy horror flick, all pushed up against the stall door, my hand scrambling for the latch, feeling like I won't make it out in time!! Argh, it's awful. I just realized right now that I might be prone to stress. (see my previous blog "I stole a car wash"). Seems everyday occurrences scare/intimidate/cause me anxiety attacks more frequently than maybe a normal person. Sigh. Well, like my mom always tells me, "Kendra, you are not normal."

I stole a car wash...

2008-08-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

I stole a car wash on saturday. I didn't meant to. It was an accident. Car washes are always a harrowing experience for me. Foam flying, brushes threatening my paint job. And they have this new sensor water thingie that allows the water to get extremely close to your car, but scare the bejeebus out of you in the meantime, for example, my thoughts are racing, holy crap!! that thing is coming right at me, its not gonna stop, it not gonna stop!! oh, it went up, holy crap, here it comes! emotionally exhausting, i tell you. So i paid the car wash, went in, my life was saved, i aspired to start charity work because of it, yada yada. I start to pull out, toward the air blower. The big green light flashes, BACK UP. I am all, oh, it isn't done. So I back up. Next thing I know, foam is flying everywhere. AGAIN. what? I sit there, as my car is washed, again. I spy a tiny little sunshine yellow sign above the exit. It says, in tiny letters, "Do not back up when dryer is on". Oh. Apparently, when the dryer is on, the wash automatically assumes you are going through it. If you back up, even a LITTLE!! the wash thinks you are the next car, and starts the next wash. Oops. but c'mon!! thats faulty. it totally was not my fault. oh well. I can't drive out now, I just have to wait for the cycle to finish again. The Jaguar behind me was NOT HAPPY. Chickie was so pissed! I AM SORRY!! c'mon. so I wait, then drive out. I pull into a parking space, cause i am gonna get out and fix my side mirror. SHE PULLS OUT BEHIND ME, AND PARKS NEXT TO ME!! AHHH! she looks livid. So i drive away. HAHA. what does she want? her 7 bucks? No freakin way!! she drives a jag, and I am a poor college student (not quite yet, but soon) besides, I don't have any cash. haha. she follows me into traffic and halfway down creek road before she pulls off. I was sweating, let me tell you. But I can't help but laugh about what was going through her head. Jaguar lady: "You stole my car wash!" Me: "Yes. I did. sorry bout that. but doesn't the xbox look amazing?!" JL:" Give me my 7 dollars!!" Me:" No. sorry." haha. seriously, what are you gonna say? I feel bad, anyway. But Karma lives on, because that night it not only rained, it freakin dumped buckets on my car. Sigh. Live and learn.

BACK, by popular demand...

2008-06-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

I have had an outcry to post more of my "work" online, here on my little blog. Who knows, maybe one day I will come out with a book! This would actually be my third planned book, the first two being "Life with the Amoebas", largely about my old job and working with people who regularly say things like,"Why are you wasting your time with college? College is for losers." True story. That is not exaggerated. And "Raising my parents kids", about living with my parents and my two teenage siblings. Yep, I live with my parents now. Yep, I may have left that out of my blog on purpose. Yep.

Anywho, back to the main event, I am now going to post my soon to be award winning poem, "Tequila". However, to hear it set to music, you still have to see me in person. And possibly be buying me some. Here goes...

Tequila

Everyone loves tequila
By the second or third
Everyone loves tequila
Or so that's what I've heard

Everyone loves tequila
You know the one with the worm
Everyone loves tequila
It's not the same without the burn

*Margaritas for the ladieeeeeess
Straight shooters for the men!
Everyone LOVES tequila!
Let's go 'round again!*

Everyone loves tequila
By the end of the night
If we still like tequila
We'll be as high as a kite!

*Chorus*
*Chorus*

HAHA!! I love it! By the way, it's SUPER fun in person, and when two or more people know it!
Peace.

A peek into what I ACTUALLY get paid to do...

2008-06-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

Hello Internet, wow. It has been WAAAAY too long. Did you miss me? I missed you too. The wait, however, will be well worth it. I have an excellent post for you today. A few days ago, I was at work, and I was assisting my boss with a client. Now sometimes, this does involve actual work, fetching and carrying and general gofer-ring. This particular occasion, I happened to be stuck in the main area of the gallery leaning on a large stack of rugs a little ways away from my boss, the client, and the real action. Now, my job requires me to look alert, professional, and most importantly, busy. Sometimes this can be a real challenge, especially if you are running on three hours of sleep, two 32 ounce diet cokes and are standing for an hour and a half at a stretch. (And no, sitting or laying on the stacks is not permitted.) So I came to the only logical conclusion. I would take the time to work on a hobby that I love, but don't have much time for. Stupid, extremly nonsensical and funny poems. If you are very lucky, you will catch one of my elite rhymes set to music. ("Tequila" and "Amber" are always classics.) So I sat there, for about twenty minutes, scribbling away, looking very important and busy while actually composing some of my best work. So please, enjoy. And by all means, comment!!

"Melissa" (Titled for her because she said I couldn't name it "Untitled".)

There once was a girl
Who had long brown hair
Such pretty long hair
All the boys would stare

Stare & stare
'Till an eyeball popped out
Rolled onto the floor
Along a line of grout

Traveled so long
Fell down a sewer grate
Bumped into the toes
Of a rat that hadn't ate

He plucked up the 'ball
Bit in with a "Pop!"
And wouldn't you know it,
Out popped a rock!

Shiny and hard
5 carats at least
Needless to say
That mouse had a feast!

Dancing with glee,
He pranced all around
"Riches!" he cried
"Jewels, just there on the ground!"

"Happily ever after"
The rat children would sing
For years and years after
That mouse was a king.

The story is over,
The tale, it is done
Please learn a lesson
A moral, it's fun!

No long hair on girls,
No stares from the men
More popsicles for everyone
More ramblings from my pen!

Thought it was gonna be a poem about a princess, didn't ya? You outta know me better than that...

2008-03-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hello, Internet. Recently I decided that my coolness factor has definetly taken a hit, due to the fact that I work too much, earn too little, and therefore have no money left for shopping for cool clothes. This fact is also complicated by Jamie, (older sister, barely) who is constantly stealing my coolest items, not returning them for months, while simultaneously withholding any clothing items of her own from me. (sidenote. I need my vest, pink tank top, and "Sazzy" necklace back, ASAP.) This picture of Jamie has been included for my amusement:

Haha. I actually giggled out loud as I posted that. I heart you, Internet. Now, the real reason for my post is that I have purchased a new mode of travel for myself in response to this drop in coolness. You may see it here:

Now, because this mode of transportation is so cool, (it's a razor scooter, y'all) it definetly deserves a name, like you might name a car. Now my car is named Sexy. More to follow on that later. As I embarked on a quest to find a name for this beautiful skate deck on wheels, my creative cogs started turning. These creative notions led me to Micheal's arts and crafts store, then to the vinyl lettering aisle. My efforts are archived here. Don't say I didn't learn anything in design school.

Trish. The Dish. Thats my girl. You know what's fun? Parking as far away from Walmart as you can get in their parking garage and scooting in. Getting my purchased items back to my car? Not so fun. Peace.

ACTIVATE PHONE TREE...GO!

2008-03-31T19:37:00.000-07:00

Attention, all the people that I know! Okay, the people I know well enough that they read my blog. I am selling my wedding dress. Please put out the word!! This is utah, people. Everyone knows at least ten million people that are getting married, because we all owe them like, five presents. I consolidate by giving potholders. Crocheted ones that I got for my wedding. I have like, 60 of 'em. I give them out by ones. One for a shower, one for the reception, even one for the bachelorette party!! haha. They look especially pretty if you roll 'em up and tie 'em with a ribbon. haha. Good luck getting any that match. Okay, I got distracted by my funniness. I am selling it for $800.00 OBO. Email me for details, I am attaching some pics. Also, I am willing to ship out of state for anyone that doesn't live in utah. Now, I shall stop shamelessly using my blog as an advertising platform and get back to surfing the web and googling people. Ciao!

P.S. for those of you that do not know, I am divorced. Doesn't mean that the dress is bad luck! Just that marriage is not for everyone!! Up with hippies and volkswagon buses! (just kiddin' mom. Prince Charming is out there, prolly just not in salt lake.)

Ode to Maryam (For your birthday, baby!)

2008-03-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

M- Is for melodious, voice that you have
A- Is for airtight, alibi's you stab
R- Is for rad, the raddest around
Y- Is for Yeehaw!! when your boots hit the ground
A- Is for aoli, 'cause I am sure you would like it
M-Is for marathon, I know you could bike it

Happy Birthday Maryam!

Yes, it's an original, yes, I do songs, yes I take requests!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10...Jinx! You owe me a coke!

2008-03-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

Jinxed myself with my first blog. (Scroll to bottom, post with Michael Jackson lookalike photo.) Land lord raised my rent. So I listened to the Rent: The Musical soundtrack a bunch of times, particularly the song lyrics, "We're not gonna paaaayyy, We're not gonna paaayyyyy, We're not gonna PPPAAAAAYYYY, LAST YEAR'S RENT!! Rent rent rent rent rent!! We're not gonna pay rent!" Then I got my lazy booty up and checked rent rates around for something similar, and yep, I am still WAY below everyone else. Sigh. No puppy this year.

It's my blog, and I will cry if i want to.

2008-02-26T19:12:00.000-08:00

I want to just rant for a sec. There are so many %$#*& mean people out there! I want to know, what made you so mean? Why be mean to a stranger? 'Cause you can? Here's the story, morning glory... I am sitting in the social security office, minding my own business, waiting my obligatory two hours to see a clerk for one whole minute, but there I am. And it's PACKED!! Packed. Every seat full, people lining the walls. Now, you get these little tickets with numbers on them, according to what you are there for. You NEED this ticket, because apparently, the line is always so long that people try to cheat and go when it's not their turn, so now they collect the tickets when you reach the teller. How do I know this? Because I have been there a couple of times recently. (Don't ask, seriously, don't ask. I am an illegal british immigrant. Thanks dad. haha. just kidding.) So I accidentally drop my ticket. It floats like insubstantial shiny paper will do just under the seat next to me. It floats JUST out of my reach. The chairs are packed so close together there is no room for me to get out of my seat, crouch down and reach under my neighbor's chair to get it, never mind her legs are in the way, and she would probably scream "molester" before I ever reached it. The chairs are also the kind that hook together, so I can't get behind her chair unless I stand on my chair and take a flying leap into the tiny aisle behind. Impossible. So I very nicely say to the crazy woman who is writing her grocery list next to me, then erasing it, then rewriting the same words over and over again, "Could you hand me my number? It's under your chair. I seem to have dropped it." She looks up, peeks under her chair where my ticket is sitting two inches from her ankle, and then says abruptly, "No. I can't. You are gonna have to get it yourself." Uh, what? I am speechless. Nice car salesman on my other side says, "Sheesh, that list ain't gonna write itself" and then we laugh. I sit in anguish for ten minutes, freaking out that I am gonna have to either get a new ticket and wait all over again, or assault this mean person trying to wrestle it away from her slippered foot. Then, I get a GREAT idea. I whisper to a four year old kid dressed in an awesome black spiderman suit, who is sitting in the row behind, praying his parents are watching so I don't seem like I am asking him if he likes candy and puppies, "Hey little man. See that little white paper? Could you hand it to me?"
He grabs it, hands it to me with a big smile. I say, "thanks bud. thanks a lot." Then I look over at Crazy List Lady and say. "HUH". Which promptly sends Car Salesman into a fit of giggles. So there, Mean People. That's one for our side. Spiderman and the Nice Kids.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2008-02-26T00:11:00.001-08:00

This picture makes me happy. So I thought I would share it. It makes me happy for several reasons. One, Kim hates it. So haha kim. Now it's on the web. (BTW, that's my sister Kim in the pic. She's a social worker. You have my permission to call her for any therapy needs you might have at any given time. Day or night. Seriously.) And two, I have absolutely no idea whose fingers those are in the background. Thats what a big family is like people.

Asher, How do I love you? Let me count the ways...

2008-02-25T23:21:00.000-08:00

Asher Merrell. I love that kid. If you ever have the pleasure of meeting him, he will blow your Freakin' mind. I went to visit my sister, Lisa, in Portland, OR recently when she had her second baby, Oliver Merrell. I got to hang out with my funny Ashie for almost a week, one on one. Now, I totally learned that I am NOT ready for kids, and managed to change exactly three diapers my entire stay. But I learned some interesting facts about one certain almost two-year old...

1) He is VERY sweet first thing in the morning. In fact, if you are willing to get him out of his hated crib, he will very sweetly fake-cuddle with you for about two seconds.

2)He is SO smart! A tiny bit smarter than I even realized. I thought it would be funny to teach him to say "Beer", and I was right! It was! He learned it in one minute. Not so funny, however, when Asher's dad, who bears more than a slight resemblance to Hugh Jackman, yells at you for corrupting his kid.

3)He loves chicken. I am excellent at heating precooked chicken sticks up in a toaster oven. A match made in heaven.

4) Two year old's can't say "Kendra". Too many syllables. In fact, some adults can't say Kendra, and proceed to call me Sandra for as long as they know me. However, I don't find it cute when adults call me "Aunt Dee-Dee" in a twoyearold little boy voice. I especially find it cute when Asher gets put to bed by his mother, than will call for me to come get him out. So smart, that one. So smart.

5)Man freakin' Magnet! Ladies, you want to meet some cute men? Borrow someone's darling little boy, put on some heels and go to the mall with a stroller. Portland, if I ever move to you, Watch out! (man eater theme song plays here.)

6) Asher is a born and bred, down and out, true blue mamma's boy. No matter how many cookies I feed him, or funny songs I sing, or ugly face impressions I do in public to amuse him, he always misses his mum and will scream with joy to see her. Tear-jerking, really. Also, he has yet to grasp the concept of a secret. For example, when I let you watch cable for an hour while mum is sleeping, what you don't do is shriek out, "Mom! TV!" as soon as you see her. Traitor. She was totally on to us. What? Educational puzzles just aren't as entertaining as that show on TLC about the family with eight kids. WOW. Sorry Lis.

I could go on all night about Asher. But I have a few other nieces and nephews that I am also madly in love with. One in particular, Naomi. The cute blonde. Not the shoe chucking supermodel. Stay tuned.

No, my name is not David, its Kendra.

2008-02-25T23:11:00.000-08:00

Hi. This is my very first blog ever. So as I enter the world of sharing needless information with whoever I can force to read it, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Kendra. I also answer to Bendy, Kendy, Keda and occasionally, Lance. (Whenever I call home, apparently I sound exactly like my 21-year-old little brother to my dad. Just so you know, Lance happens to have an extremely masculine deep voice.) I love ponies, rainbows and corn dogs. I live in a tiny apartment in Salt Lake City, Utah. My tiny apartment is decorated and spaceplanned to the max, because I just happen to be an interior designer. My apartment may just be the love of my life currently, and I glean great joy from saying to people, "Isn't this apartment rad? Aren't you totally jealous? Don't you wish YOU lived here?" Anything just short of, "Don't you wish you were ME?" haha. Long story short, my apartment is Kendratown. So there it is. And here you are.